Dan looked out the rain beaten window, watching streaks roll down viciously. Two cars were parked out in his driveway. One was his mom's and the other was a man who Dan didn't know. Why the man was here, he wasn't quite sure.
It was just a Friday afternoon, an afternoon that lets people like Dan sink mindlessly into his bed, gazing and immersing himself inside of his laptop, engrossed in youtube and facebook, frequently switching between two vast and exciting worlds. The rain refused to stop, and Dan had no choice but to sit and allow himself to pretend that the real world was actually the pixeled screen of his laptop, the glowing radiance that lit up his gray and gloomy room. A picture of his friend's boating trip. The temporary thrill of a click. A video from that hot youtuber. The exhilaration of a moment- not knowing what's next- the browser loading the page section by section, from the top, slowly making its way down, to the bottom- making a mind grow impatient and a heart restless- the thrill- when in reality, behind the little thumbnail on the homepage was nothing more than a lure to the claws of desperation. Click after click, tap after tap, as fake as it was, the internet was the world where he wanted to stay, and where he wanted to fill himself with the hopeful yet fearful anticipation of the loading bar, which was more entertaining and much less fearful than the cruelty of real situations around him. The man outside was not in the least a friend of Dan, or welcome guest of his household. The man outside was one of the real fears in Dan's life, and there was nothing that he could do make him go away. There, Dan reclined in his room on a Friday afternoon, gazing silently yet intently at a livelier world while everything around him dwindled with each new click. Click. The posters of his favorite bands- he meant to buy more but he wasn't sure where to buy them, he had gotten the posters all from his friends- everything that surrounded Dan- the messy desk and stacked AP and ACT books- the pictures of his camping trip in Wisconsin- the trophies- all faded beyond his gaze, and didn't seem to matter as Dan lost himself to the idleness of his Friday afternoon.
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Wow. I think that's amazing. I mean, it's really short and you might need to correct a gramatical mistake here and there, but it kept my attention. It really represents me, too. I love the symbolism. All around good story. And nice Cliffhanger. Who WAS that man man in the driveway???????
ReplyDeleteHaha I don't know who he is! I guess it makes a better story for now if I didn't say who he was. Thanks for the feedback i hope you're doing well
ReplyDeleteI'm doing just great. I take it you are doing well, too. Suspense is a great writing strategy. I'd like to e-mail you, but I forgot your address. Mine is macabretophat@yahoo.com
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