Tuesday, May 10, 2011


I remember in 8th grade or something i was reading a book and it was comprised only of vignettes. And it was with mexican characters. I liked it, there was this one chapter about how this girl wants to find a best friend that understands her, that laughs and understands all of her jokes.
Back in that stage of my life, eighth grade, I thought i was alone in most of my problems. I linked everything bad in my life with being gay... i.e. not having good friends, feeling disconnected, unhappy/inadequate.. etc. Sure those feelings have found me again in my high school days. I didn't realize that pretty much everyone felt the same way as me, that everyone has those feelings. When I read that passage i mentioned, I thought about myself, for a moment, then doubted that what she felt was the same as how what I was going through.
I don't really know what the point of what I'm writing about is. Well I guess that everyone feels the same way as everyone else. Whether we notice those feelings during our high points in life, they always come back to find us and bring us to our low points, when we look at ourselves and find little to be happy about. When we see society around us as connected and happy and ourselves as the single one out.
I deleted my facebook, (well disabled it) and I do this often when I feel like facebook is taking over my time. When I have no life I go on facebook often which in turn leads to wasted time looking a representation of what increasing seems like my boring and timid life.
If I could explain the ups and downs in my life, I would, and though there sometimes seem to be general trends in my mood I know that they are always unpredictable. When I'm happy I love myself, and when I'm sad I sit idly and wish I had a boyfriend.

we all live with the objective of being happy, our lives are all different and yet the same.
Anne frank said that. I just remember that quote

Woahh let me go home, home is wherever I'm with you

Another kind of good life story.
I have a hot gym teacher. He's a great guy. He has white hair and a beard/mustache around his mouth (idk what its called), he's in his 40s now but hes so hot. He has really attractive wide open blue eyes, a sharp nose and loud voice. He's a former MLB pitcher but apparently only played a few games. But hes a great guy. Hes one of those consistently and indiscriminately nice and friendly people and he's really outgoing but not to the point where he's socially weird or unaware.
Anyway, its not really a good story, but today he told us how his daughter was walking her dog and she saw a 16 year old male driver accidently run over and kill a five year old girl running into the street to get a ball. Then he started telling our class about how we have to think about our actions and what might come of them. We were sitting in the wrestling room and the whole class was quiet which rarely ever happens. I get advice a lot from my parents but I rarely really consider what they say. Coming from my hot gym teacher I thought about the simple message, and then how I'm so stupid when it comes to thinking about my actions and the consequences of what I do. Mainly regarding my homework and how I put it off all the time, and how I only cause stressful situations for myself for no reason at all. Theres no reason for some of the stuff I do or for some of the things that I feel, yet they happen anyway and I get upset over them.

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