somewhat serious about this

the key to getting homework done is to be really boring and do really boring things. Take everything colorful out of your life. Paint everything in your room brown. That way you dont get distracted. Don't listen to music or see friends. Even better, try not to have friends. They will only make you want to have fun, which will keep you from doing homework.

so

I have been maintaining a crush on gareth thomas. He is the type of guy I am into. Sharp face, benevolent eyes, tall, rugged, hunky, athletic, affectionate/warm-hearted person. And a damn sexy voice and accent.
Hes soooooooooo hot.
I want to write a letter to him saying how I admire him so much, how hes so inspiring and kind and how I think he was made for me. I read an article that said he's looking for a boyfriend, and that the thought of cuddling and being close and affectionate with someone makes him excited. Boy did I melt. He is so sexy.
<3<3<3

kjasfhd

Its always hard to know what to do with time. I have homework to do and people to see and music to play and listen to, but I generally end up spending my indecisive moments on the internet. Indecisive moments account for most of my time at home on weekdays. It involves me thinking about homework, telling myself to do it, and then avoiding it altogether because I possess zero self control.

The Vitamin String Quartet is a good band. They do string covers of popular songs, something I enjoy doing except their versions are a million times better.

In English class we keep a portfolio of our writing from throughout the year. Our assignment for the weekend is to write how our writing has changed or improved over the past few months. I fear I have no improvements to talk about.

I spend a lot of time sitting and thinking like I'm an old man. I consider myself a pretty contained and nervous person by default, except on special days when my mind can miraculously provide me with energy and witty things to say.
I don't understand my mind, and why it can't make me feel good everyday.

Its sad how few gay people there are. Its sad how few there are and how many of those few shut themselves up in the closet. Its sad how we are marginalized and are such a tiny group of students in a school of over 2000. Its sad how my basic human need/desire is denied because of the fact that my options are painfully limited. We're a pitiful group of less than 1 percent of the student body that has to act like it is not a big deal, when it is the most frustrating thing ever.
The fact that my school has probably less than ten out kids makes me feel like gay people don't exist, and that I'm part of a weird cultish group

But in reality people are really nice about me being gay. There just are like, barely any of us. I remember asking my older sister when i was in 8th grade if there were any gay people at high school, and she said she didn't know any. So I guess its good that that has changed. Everyone knows who dylan is at our school now, the boy who walks down the halls with bleached straightened hair, juicy pants and ugg boots.

so

its weird to think that one day I'm going to be living alone, single, without anyone.. unless i have a roommate of course. But its such a big change to think about.
I actually hate living with parents. I would like to be emancipated.. where do i fill out the forms.
I played bingo with old people today. It was at a veterans hospital. The lady i sat with was nice to me but is apparently bitter to everyone else. I hope never to be in a place like that, I'm fine being at home and away from the feeling of a hospital.
I wonder if I'll find a job that I'll actually like. My dad is a lawyer and never talks about his life in the city. He comes home and never seems enthusiastic about what he does. He tells me that its stressful, and I doubt there's much to enjoy about being a lawyer with all that paperwork. As of right now I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I think it would be really cool to be some sort of a writer but as you guys can tell I'm not exceptionally skilled at it. But I love writing, and its why I have this secret blog that no one in my life knows about. Its why I keep a journal and can spend several hours formulating my thoughts to write a poem or song or journal entry. Writing is like talking except you can be as slow as you want and no one will know.
Anyway, I want a job that I can enjoy and find pleasure in. Like I'd love to be a writer, like I said, and maybe a rockstar. It would be nice to spend my life immersed in music and nothing else. I can see myself as a teacher.

skepticism

life is like a gps system. It corrects itself. If you take a wrong turn it figures out a new path to get you to your destination. It evens out and gets you where you should be and no matter what path you take its not worth worrying over because it will get you to where your meant to end up. I remember seeing a 'Lost' episode and it was like about how the world corrects itself.. if someone avoids death the day he/she was meant to die, the universe will correct itself and cause something the next day to make sure that person dies. things are just meant to happen..

ok i understand i have gotten overly philosophical in my past couple posts. But our family just got a gps system. I named her gps lady. she cost us 100 dollars and gets us where we need to be. And even if we think we're lost it usually ends up taking us to where we need to be. Essentially it knows what its doing when we dont.

I guess thats why some people believe in God. Someone knows the path of your life so theres no need to worry. Theres always a parent out there to help you. If your lost, dont worry because it will work out anyway..

except sometimes the gps is wrong and takes us to some sort of dead end

Dont comment on this post yet. I'm going to finish it later. Its for school actually. Comment on the post below this one. thanks!!

In a country like America there's no excuse for being insensitive. When you have communities of all sorts living side by side, when people of all colors fill your neighborhood, there's no excuse for pulling out offensive language as if its no big deal.

from new jersey

College admissions is against much of what I really believe in. Molding yourself to the way colleges want you to be in exchange for a label to wear the rest of your life.. A label that is no guarantee for anything.

Everyone is afraid of being inferior in some way. Smart people assert their superiority by flaunting their intelligence. They tell themselves they are great because they went to a great school. Lower class people assert their superiority by picking fights and acting tough. They join gangs and rob people.

No one wants to feel inferior. Many people want to feel like they are on top. Its all psychological. Yet we've established societies that value these arbitrary qualities that supposedly make us superior. I'm hard working but I value my own well being. I value my health and my friends.
People want to climb the imaginary pedestal and dance at the top. Or cooly look down at the people below them. It is most undesirable to be the ordinary below- in other words, inferior. It is inferior to pursue your own, to embrace yourself and your own ambitions. Change your ambitions and devote your life to something else, something untrue to yourself. That is how people seem to win their own respect.