Thursday, April 21, 2011


Its always hard to know what to do with time. I have homework to do and people to see and music to play and listen to, but I generally end up spending my indecisive moments on the internet. Indecisive moments account for most of my time at home on weekdays. It involves me thinking about homework, telling myself to do it, and then avoiding it altogether because I possess zero self control.

The Vitamin String Quartet is a good band. They do string covers of popular songs, something I enjoy doing except their versions are a million times better.

In English class we keep a portfolio of our writing from throughout the year. Our assignment for the weekend is to write how our writing has changed or improved over the past few months. I fear I have no improvements to talk about.

I spend a lot of time sitting and thinking like I'm an old man. I consider myself a pretty contained and nervous person by default, except on special days when my mind can miraculously provide me with energy and witty things to say.
I don't understand my mind, and why it can't make me feel good everyday.

Its sad how few gay people there are. Its sad how few there are and how many of those few shut themselves up in the closet. Its sad how we are marginalized and are such a tiny group of students in a school of over 2000. Its sad how my basic human need/desire is denied because of the fact that my options are painfully limited. We're a pitiful group of less than 1 percent of the student body that has to act like it is not a big deal, when it is the most frustrating thing ever.
The fact that my school has probably less than ten out kids makes me feel like gay people don't exist, and that I'm part of a weird cultish group

But in reality people are really nice about me being gay. There just are like, barely any of us. I remember asking my older sister when i was in 8th grade if there were any gay people at high school, and she said she didn't know any. So I guess its good that that has changed. Everyone knows who dylan is at our school now, the boy who walks down the halls with bleached straightened hair, juicy pants and ugg boots.


  1. I know the feeling Bud. I am a closet gay. I have just left School and as far as I am Aware there was only one Gay Guy in our School who was out and probably only because he was Camper than Christmas.I would have loved to have screamed at the top of my voice that I was gay.I just always got a sore throat 10 seconds before I done it.
    Dave xx

  2. Oh, how ironic about the sore throat. Thats how I felt until I realized how people in my area generally don't care, but I'm not sure about what people are like where you are. Where did you go to school?