Saturday, April 24, 2010

who can we trust?

I recently have been reading a guys blog named mikey, who seemed nice and cute and personal. I practically fell in love with him, his courage, his stories. I had so much admiration for him. It kills me to find out that he's not real. These things hurt too much. I cried.
He seemed like a hot modest quiet sweet masculine athletic unassuming kid. And I contemplated emailing him to meet up when i went over to minnesota for a swim meet. I put a lot of trust and willingness to believe everything that was said.. and i felt connected to a more exciting and intense world where mikey lived. i had so much admiration within me. I never suspected anything.
So like i said, it kills me. There is so much there that i believed, and that i was so glad to be true. None of it seems to matter now that its gone. A whole world, is gone. A whole world is a fantasy made in the mind of a forty year old guy who wants to fool kids for attention. I wonder what must have gone through his mind when he started the blog. He helped so many people and if anything i wish he hadn't let out his real identity. 
I've seen some blogs of people who claim that they're closeted star NBA people or football players and that to me now is total bullshit. Its so obvious that they're fake even by the way they write their blogs. I'm afraid to believe other people and you may doubt me, and i can never blame you. but my purpose is to make up for the lack of genuine people. I will be truthful.. and i won't make you fall on your face like what had happened to me. 
I am:
A sophomore in high school, varsity swimmer, six foot one, part asian. I'm gay, I think that'll probably be important to readers. I think that's all the info I'm going to put out right now. I made a blogger thing a while ago and post some stuff but it failed so i deleted it all. So I hope there are people that can relate to this. I may not be the popular manly hockey or football or baseball player (although I wish I was) but.. I guess this is what you get.
Oh.. I used to talk really teenager-y and yeah but I stopped and started to use grammar because.. I dont know why. But I'm used to writing this way I feel more articulate and maybe people will take this more seriously. Anyway. That's enough for today. I am heartbroken, but I've started this thing which hopefully will be a good thing for others and myself. 
Anyway, goodnight

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