hey

Sorry if I bore you all. I know there are only four followers.. lol but my life has not been eventful lately. I wish I could write in here more often but nothing's really been going on. I feel kinda crappy lately maybe because I haven't been with my friends for a few days. I've basically been confined to my room because I've been trying to work out as much as I can.
I wish I could be gorgeous and live an easy life. Like realllyyy good looking like some guys I see walking down the street.

hello all

I've finally taken more steps to coming out. I have a few friends that know already, and it's gradually spreading. It's spreading very slowly though. I told my Polish Catholic friend a few days ago and he took it really really well. He didn't believe me at first when I told him and thought it was a joke but then I told him to call my friend who knew and ask him about it. So he did and he believed me. Then he was just fine with it and asked a lot of questions. I'm glad that he knows because I was afraid he was gonna flip out. I mean, he's Catholic and I've heard him say mean things about gay people and that he doesn't like them. I used to think he was one of the biggest homophobes that I knew. I guess if he's okay with it I shouldn't worry too much about other people.
I've also changed my 'interested in' on facebook to 'men'. Maybe people will think it's a joke. But it makes me feel bold to know that I'm technically out of the closet on facebook.
I think a lot about the effects that coming out will have on my life. I always change my opinion on the subject, and some days I'm more confident about it than others. I wish I was always confident. It's very inconsistent for me. Some days I'll feel fearless and bold but those days are always followed by days where I feel self conscious and shy. I hope I won't regret any of the decisions that I make regarding coming out. But so far everyone I've told has been 100 percent okay with it and has been really chill about it. Even the straight guys.
I know that I think way too much about coming out. This blog entry somewhat proves it.

You have enemies? good that means that you've stood up for something some time in your life.
I think it would be pretty cool if there were some people that hated me. I'd be a hard ass and seem confident. I've always been too afraid of people not liking me.

songs and life

the story by brandi carlile. I heard the song MANY years ago (it seems like) and i always knew the tune.. and sometimes it would pop into my head and i wouldn't know the name of it. So frustrating. Then a few weeks ago I went to the boy's acapella concert at my school and they had this one number with some girls and there was this soloist who was my friends sister.. who was amazing.. and she sang that song and I was like omg what's the name of that. So I finally know it and I've been listening to it the whole day. I really like the voice ranges in the song. Also I saw the Noisette's cover of when you were young by the killers and it was really good. So those are my two favorite songs right now. I also really like kid cudi.
So summers sinking in, and I've spent a lot of time doing nothing when I could be doing something. (my friends coming over in a few minutes so writing this is basically to pass the time). I'm in summer school now and its every weekday morning from eight to twelve thirty and I go straight to summer school from swimming which starts at six. So I have to get up really early :(
Anyway its already been a week of summer school and I'm getting used to the people in it. I was pretty nervous at the beginning to meet peopel but everyone turned out nice and normal and I've gotten used to them. I guess that's usually how these sort of social situations go for me.
Oh, story. So a nice cute guy that I know who was in my english class last year started talking to me on facebook a few weeks ago and gave me his number so that we could hang out. I never texted him because we're not really good friends. He messaged me again a few weeks later and we had a normal conversation then he started telling me that I was cute and stuff.. and that he wanted me to text him. I assumed that he was drunk (he was just at a party) but he said that he sobered up.. and I decided that I would text him. So I text him and he starts to ask me how many times I've hooked up and I said like five times and he's like guys or girls and I said both hbu. then he's like sweet I've only hooked up with girls but I want to with guys. (I saw it coming). So we talk until one in the morning through text (which was kind of annoying) but apparently he's not out to anyone and saw that I had a lot of gay friends on facebook so he assumed something was up with me. So we're gonna 'hang out' friday. I'm excited. He's cute.

wisconsin

I went to wisconsin to see my friend who is probably my favorite person ever. She lives at her mother's house. Her parents are divorced but her dad still stays with her mom occasionally. We went to pridefest which was fun. The whole experience of going some place new with different people helped me realize a lot of stuff about myself and how I act and how I think about people. She's not wealthy so it made me think about my values that I have at home and how I can be materialistic. This feeling probably wont last long but its sticking in my mind.
I saw a lot of cute guys at pridefest who i didn't talk to. I absolutly wished that I had. I don't know why I was being such a loner. I played a lot of volleyball and it was pretty fun. Then there were some hot guys on stage in their underwear dancing. It was a really interesting experience and I'll probably go again next year or something.
That's about it

wooo hawks win

wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo yeahhhhh.
Our neighbors would honk blow horns every time they scored and blew off fireworks when they won.
It totally feels like summer now because all I've been thinking about lately is hanging out/working out/ swimming. Everything feels really chill and i took a four hour nap today because I've been exhausted from finals and getting up early for practice.
I'm going to six flags tomorrow with some buddies. I haven't been there since middle school
OH this weekend I'm going to visit my friend in Wisconsin. We met at a summer camp five years ago and we've stayed in touch and visited each other ever so often. Also she was one of the first people I came out to. So when I told her I was gay it was in eighth grade and she said that one year she was gonna take me to pride fest and this year she's gonna take me there. I'm really excited. I'm gonna meet a bunch of hot guys
-sigh- its 11 and i have to get up at 5:30 tomorrow morning..

holy

sheet summers here. holy sheet i got a 4.8. I got soo damn lucky this year

finals finals finals

start tomorrow. Then they'll be over soon. This summer will be good