update

I guess a lot has happened. I've really started to relax this past week. Swimming is over (for now, I start again in a few weeks) and I had my last swim meet last weekend. Thus I have had more energy and time to work out regularly.
Swimming, even though it helps me feel good and stay in shape, drains a LOT of energy out of me. After a week of not having swim practices or meets, I've realized that I have sooo much more energy to do stuff. I have more motivation to go out and socialize with people. And even though I'm still working out everyday, I don't feel as drained after working out as I do after I swim.
So basically I've been feeling really good and energized lately.
I came out to a few girls who I was sorta friends with before and now all of a sudden they want to hang out with me more haha. I went to downtown evanston (no, I don't live in evanston) and got clothes (really gay, I know right) (but they were cool clothes and really cheap) and went to flattop afterwards. It was fun. Girls are ten times nicer to you when they know you're gay.

I was on facebook a few nights ago and my friend (who I'm already out to) told me that his friend Blake knows that I'm gay. I barely know Blake. So apparently Blake found out I was gay from my friend Ryan who is on the high school swim team with me. And I was like how the hell did Ryan find out?? I didn't think anyone on the swim team knew. So now I figure everyone is finding out and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't think people have really had a problem with it so far. No one has been avoiding me. If anything people have become nicer to me and I feel closer to the people that know. I guess by next year I will officially be "out". The process of coming out was easier than I thought... all I had to do was tell a few people who can't keep a secret and eventually everyone will know.

I used to be really self conscious of the fact that I was gay. I was afraid that people at school would judge me and would resent me because of it. So far all my friends, however, have been supportive and coming out has been completely worth it. If people resent me because I'm gay then I can honestly say that I couldn't care less.

There have been points in my life where I feel so desperate to be normal that I tell myself that I can't be gay and that to be happy I have to like women. And this lasts about a day or two and I realize that being straight, for me, is pretty impossible. Trying to be someone else only makes me depressed. And the negative social consequences or whatever that come with being gay... well... I've realized they're not so bad if I get to be who I am.

i love straight guys

I love gay guys too but I wish straight men could be gay as in sexually attracted to me. really really badly. Like so so so much.

hello wonderful people

Two nights ago I saw the guy who I hooked up with that one time I mentioned earlier. It was cool. We talked on facebook about a month ago and he said he wanted to end things.. cuz we 'wanted different things' and he also moved onto someone else. Then somehow we ended up hanging out again. So he picked me up and we went to a park and lied down for a while then went back to his car and etc. and the windows got foggy etc. you get it. I'm not really crazy about him. Even though he's cute. I used to be more into him but now it's like whatever. I'm fine just seeing him every few weeks/months.
Ummmmm I went to oberweis about an hour ago and had an AMAZING chocolate milkshake. It was soooooooo so so so good. I feel like I have been missing out my whole life. My friend works there so he got it for me for free. I recommend it to everyone even though it might be a little pricey.

hey all

I've decided that I should keep a forward momentum with my life. Get stuff done. Improvise. Things would be more fun

Go see Inception!!!!

Go see it!!!!! two and a half hours of pure intensity. It was so good and everyone has to see it! That movie has totally changed me (for the past few hours at least). The girl from Juno is in it! hahahahaha but seriously go see it!

mediocre monday

I'm coming out to people all over the place. I told my friend Joe today and he was soo good about it. He's a really 'hey bro so how are the ladies?' sort of guy but he's a sweetheart at the same time. So we had a long conversation about it. I feel a lot closer to him. He told me that I seemed like I was holding something back. Right now me and him are writing songs together for our two person band and we have a show at a bar this thursday and we get to play for an hour. Joe is reaallllyyy good at the guitar. And I'm okay at singing. So it's not that lame. Today we didn't get much done because we spent a lot of time talking. He was sooo chill about it. It makes me really happy.
I bought a book and I have to start reading it more. It's like 700 pages. It's called The Passage and I really like the way it is written. I have to read more I like never read.

notre dame

I'm at Notre Dame in Indiana for a swim meet right now and we're staying at a Marriot hotel. I'm staying here with my parents and I like hotels a lot better when I'm not with my parents... It's not the best when I'm staying at hotels with my parents. I can't get time away from them and my dad snores. I get bored easily with them too. I'm gonna be a cool parent when I get older. I cannot end up like them. CANNOT. We're going to Olive Garden pretty soon and I hear it's pretty good. I've never been there before.
Anyway I swam pretty good today at the meet. I went 58.1 in the 100 meter free which converts to a 50.4 or something in yards. It's not by best time but I'm not in the best shape so i don't care. Then I did really crappy in the 200 IM and 200 back. There are a LOT of hot guys at this meet. There are some meets that I go to where the guys are SOOO hot and I practically jizz everywhere. Yeah. Especially when college swimmers are at the meets. They are so damn sexy. They have awesome bodies plus they are good at swimming, which makes them even more attractive.
I really want an ear piercing. I am determined to get one before I go to college. I had a long debate with my parents to let me get one. It turned into a talk about me being gay (my mom thinks boys who wear earrings = gay). I told my parents that almost all my friends know that I'm gay and don't care. And my mom freaked out because she never wanted me to tell people at school. She thinks that soon the whole school will know. I don't know what her problem is. My mom has suddenly become really unaccepting. She told me that she still wants me to be straight and to get myself a girlfriend. Apparently to her because I think that I am gay, I am that way. She used to be more accepting and chill about it. Then all of a sudden she decided that it's possible to turn me straight. It's weird.
I've been kind of a jerk lately. I've realized jerks get more attention.

things i love

I absolutely love naps. I love good naps. They make me feel really relaxed and refreshed especially if I'm tired or didn't get enough sleep the night before. They're just a really important part of my life. They're just really important.

asdfjjlkejr

I've watched so much porn lately its come to the point where I am very sick of porn. I look at it at least once a day. Like just now I was looking at porn then I was like screw this I'd rather do something else. So yeah here I am.
Anyway, my life has been swimming/naps/porn/working out/seeing friends. I switched up to a more intense swimming group now that I'm done with summer school and have more time on my hands. The morning practices are outside and we have them every morning so soon I'm gonna get really tan and have speedo/google tan lines. The morning practices are really tiring too so I usually take two to three hour naps after them.
The bi guy that I was talking about earlier who wanted to hook up hasn't been talking to me lately, and he's leaving for Mexico today. So I think he might have changed him mind about hooking up. Maybe not though. He can do what he wants
Like I said summer school is over. Everyone is being really emotional and talking about how much they miss each other over facebook. Everyone's being a lot friendlier now that the class is already over haha. I sorta miss the class. It was a lot of fun at times. I didn't become friends with a lot of the people until the class was almost over. So I sorta regret that.
I saw toy story 3 yesterday with my mom. Haha we watched it on the computer together. It was reallyyy good. I kinda felt like crying at certain parts. It was pretty emotional.
Not much else. Happy fourth of july!!!