hey homos

I'm at a hotel in michigan. I like the whiteness of hotel rooms and the feeling of isolation. I'm here for a family reunion.
Junior year is the shit and I'm not one of the young kids at school. It's like the feeling of being in 8th grade in middle school in a way. There's a lotttt more homework but I've been better about doing it. I don't know why I take all honors and APs or care so damn much. I don't know where I want to go to college. I should know what I want to do with my life before stressing myself out so much by taking hard classes.
I learned so much about my family on the car ride here. It was a family road trip, about five hours, my dad mom sister and me. I'm always learning more stuff about my relatives. It's like a whole social circle with all the drama and stuff. People in my family have problems I didn't know about. So much has been going on in my family that I didn't know about. More information gradually comes to me from my parents as I get older.
I'm pretty excited to see everyone I guess.
I love Dave Matthews. Lying in the hands of God is a good song.

HEEyyy

So I get really excited when I come out to someone (usually straight guys) and they are really cool with it and still wana be friends with me
So there's this guy who wanted to pretend to be in 'an open relationship' with me on facebook (which I thought was kinda weird, but whatever) and I figured I should tell him that I am gay but I kept putting it off. So I just kept ignoring the request then a week after he requested me we had just hung out and it was pretty late at night, and I texted him just saying (bluntly) "yo im gay". Then he was like "I know, what's up". He thought I was joking. Then I was like dude I'm serious but he didn't believe me. So we text for a while and I'm trying to convince him that I'm serious but he says he still doesn't believe me. Anyway after a while I was like would you care if I was? And he was like it would be pretty weird I guess but past that it doesn't really matter. Then he was like I gotta go to sleep so we said goodnight. Then about an hour later I get a text from him saying something like 'I love you man and even if you are gay it wouldn't change anything because you're a good friend'. Which was one of the nicest texts I've ever gotten. So I thought I'd share that.
We hung out again this morning and he says he still doesn't believe me. We added each other as brothers on facebook.
This week has been supah chill even though school starts in two days... ugh. I really have to change my routine of going to bed at 3 AM. I also have to start writing a paper. Bleh.
So I figure next year I'll be out. So I'm not really 'closeted' high school swimmer anymore. But whatever I'm still mostly in the closet I'll just keep that name.
The guy who I hooked up with that I mentioned in earlier posts is an annoying prick. Have I mentioned that yet? I really don't like him and I don't plan on seeing him again. There are some weird gays out there.
My hair has grown out and I feel like for the first time it has finally reached a decent length since I shaved it for swimming. I'm pretty happy.

Quick thing to say

If any of you are ever bored, go to youtube and watch communitychannel. Her name is Nat and she's really funny.
Ugh schools starting soon. That's just lame.
I mainly just wanted to say to watch communitychannel.
And comment on my post about hot guys! I really want to hear thoughts on that.

being happy

Its so simple in concept isn't it? I mean right now there are a million things to be unhappy about and a million things to be happy about.. it's just arbitrary which side we choose to dwell on. Sometimes it feels like positive thoughts are hard to find when bad things seem to be all around us. But honestly there's absolutely no point in dwelling over the negative. If something makes you unhappy, don't think about it or try to think about it in a different light. Like I said it's so simple in concept. I feel like I'm trying to give myself advice right now. I find when I'm unhappy I can never think clearly and I'm hard to get along with. But moods are just so hard to turn around sometimes.
There are always little things to be happy about though, and I find that when I dwell on those things and give a little smile to myself I tend to become a little happier. However, if I dwell on negative things and complain and think how much life sucks it puts me in a bad mood. So to avoid this, when I get the urge to complain, I don't and try to find something good to think about. And once I'm in a good mood I tend to stay in a good mood.
Another way is to take happy pills.

this is what my facebook profile now says

----------------------
Basic Info
Sex: Male
Birthday: June 14
...
Current City: Chicago, Illinois
...
Bio I am at ease in tthe depths of my mind.
Favorite Quotations no sappy thoughts in my head, I'm feeling like I'm peter pan

we do our time like pennies in a jar
what are we saving for?
--------------------------

Anyway those are seriously my favorite quotations from songs. They are from Up Up and Away by Kid Cudi and Believe by The Bravery, two AWESOME songs that I really like and will never stop liking.
I like what I wrote for my bio cuz I came up with it and I feel like it describes me perfectly. I like thinking. I feel like theres a whole world in my head.

I had a really deep conversation with my friend erin today, who is one of the sweetest girls I know. I feel like everyone goes through an insecure phase in their life. But I was really glad we had that conversation. She's leaving for college soon.

Anyway if I could give the whole world advice right now it would be to be excited to show the world who you are. Not just be who you are, but be excited to show it off to the world

Hot guys

The picture I put up for this blog is not me. Sorry if you thought it was me but I didn't want to put a picture of myself on here. It's a picture of Tanner Cohen from the movie Were the World Mine, a great movie. Tanner is a douchebag/idiot if you look at some of the videos he put in youtube, but he's pretty hot. Every gay person should see Were the World Mine.
Anyway, since it's something we can all most likely relate to, I will write about hot guys today. I'll give you the general timeline of guys who I thought (and still think) are hot.
My first crush that I can remember is Orlando Bloom in the Lord of the Rings from when I was in like second grade or something. Orlando looks gorgeous blonde with blue eyes. I remember I just liked looking at him on the screen, even though I didn't really obsess over him.
I was a big Harry Potter fan when the movies came out (who wasn't?) and I had this phase where I liked Dan Radcliffe and wanted to be like him. He said he liked The Killers in one of his interviews so I started listening to them because of him. They are now pretty much my favorite band.
Channing Tatum!!! Is sooo so hot!! After I saw Step up.
Zac Efron after High School Musical. He's pretty adorable.
Edward Norton after The Incredible Hulk. He's soooooooo cute. He's one of the very few perfect 10s on my scale.
Russell Crowe after The Sum of Us.
James Franco after Pineapple Express.
Jake Gyllenhaal after Donnie Darko.
Heath Ledger after Brokeback Mountain (RIP you sexy man). I actually wrote a song for him that's how much I liked him.
Hugh Grant from Maurice.
The SUPER hot guy from the new Star Trek.
And Billie Joe Armstrong ..from Green Day.

Then obviously I've had crushes on guys who aren't famous.

But anyway the two hottest guys in the world are Ryan Lochte and Channing Tatum. eh? What are your thoughts?
Also Braden Charron is really hot. If you are young don't look him up.

oergndlksjklwngk

I've gotten into the habit of working out everyday in the morning, then doing some ACT practice stuff so that my mom would leave me alone. After those things I get to do what I want. Life still seems pretty different without swim practices.
I want to continue living my life like this forever. I really have nothing to worry about. I have like zero stress. My mind is really calm and I have actually started reading for fun. It reminds me of when I used to read Harry Potter in like, second grade.
I dunno, that's about it. I've realized how quickly groups of friends can change if you make an effort to hang out with different people.